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Election Epistles
This brings an entirely new collection of messages sent to me through the email. Some come from friends I once knew; others come from family. While messages sent over email wishing me a merry Christmas or a happy new year are usually sent with only my name as the recipient, this is not so at election time. It appears that the sender received a forwarded message from some friend, along with 20 or so other recipients. Not to be outdone, my friend sends the message to everyone whose name was in their address book. My name was there. I call these messages "Double E's" as in "Election Epistles." They usually appear in large print. I assume the sender knows that my eye doctor's only encouraging word was that I can still see well enough to drive in the daytime. It is for that reason that they send these EE's in large type. And, the EE's are filled with exclamation marks. When my computer reads aloud to me, the volume increases if the sentence ends with an exclamation mark. Imagine how this computer sounds if there are two or three exclamation marks at the end of a sentence. I take it that the sender does not read The Clarke County Democrat, for I have already written here that I can hear very well when I'm wearing my hearing aids. I don't need multiple exclamation marks. These EE's usually promise that if I forward this same message to all my friends in 10 days, then I will receive a blessing. I promise you: it is not a blessing to receive the EE's. They are usually a diatribe against one candidate or another. And, instead of discussing the content of the candidate's responses in debates, the large print epistles discuss the color of the man's tie or his male pattern baldness … as if those are reasons for rejecting the candidate. I got an email the other day saying that Hillary - Hillary, mind you. Not Senator Clinton - had a hysterical breakdown in public. Wow, I thought. I've got to see this. So, I walked over to the other side of the house where I could see the TV news. What I saw was an emotional response no more serious than I experience when I discuss the sacrifices American young men and women are making in their service to their country. She was not hysterical. Not at all. I became hysterical, however, when I got the same messages saying the same thing from three other people My first reaction is to rail against the sender and tell them to strike my name from their address list. As I pondered this with my family, a son consoled me. "Look, Dad," he said. "Think of this as their way of saying 'Hi!' Only, the sender doesn't know the words to say this to you. Be gentle, or they will get angry." Of course, I blasted that son back, saying that no one seems to care about making me angry. But, he's right. Be gentle. My son wants me to be gentle. Okay. I have decided the way that I will respond. I will send everyone who sends me an Election Epistle this reply. I will tell them in large, brightly colored type that a new novel has just been published. It is a novel which I highly recommend. I will tell them that the book has a regional setting and contemporary themes. It is filled with adventure, mystery, and even intrigue. Then, I will send them to the site where they can order a copy for all their favorite valentines. And, in the last line, I will tell them that if they forward this message to at least ten people, then this writer will receive a blessing!
Jim Herod is a retired Georgia Tech professor living on the edge of the Nethermost on the southside of Grove Hill.
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